You are amazing.
Asketh - Anonymous
So are you, anon.
I am ugly- I am beautiful
I am worthless- I have worth
I am sick- I will heal
I hate myself- I will learn to love myself
I am weak- I am strong, or I wouldn’t be here today
I am moody- I have profound emotional depth
I am lost- I will find myself
I am scared- I have courage
I am crazy- It is normal to struggle
I am in pain- It’s okay to hurt
I am tired- I will not give up
I’m not good enough- I am better than “good enough”
I can’t change- I can change
My case manager asked me to tell her three good things about myself today - three things that I was good at or liked about myself. It took me about twenty minutes to come up with anything good to say at all. I am incredibly good at finding nice things to say about everyone else. I can find something honestly good to say about a total stranger, and yet I can’t think of three things to say about myself.
Once I did think of something, I found myself finding reasons why they weren’t really good things - I was a good singer, but I have weird taste in music. I was a good writer, but I didn’t always find time for it.
As we went around to the other people in the program, other women started sobbing trying to get out what they thought was good about them, and as I sat there I began to realize that it is not just me that cannot find anything good about myself.
Positive affirmations are hard when self esteem has never been fed before. I have never felt special or good at things, and that makes it hard to say that there is something good about me because even if I know it in my mind, I do not believe the words I am saying.
I do not believe I am a good singer, musician, writer. I do not believe anything of that sort, and saying it out loud doesn’t make me believe it. Saying it out loud just brought up the doubts and insecurities I have about myself. And not just that, but I was scared because I didn’t want anyone else to feel like I thought I was better that anyone else. Like I thought I was great, because I don’t. All through school I was told that I must have thought I was full of myself, and that I shouldn’t think that. People didn’t like me because they perceived me as feeling above them.
Positive self affirmations are hard for me because I don’t believe them. I don’t believe them because I’ve been told I should not feel that way about myself. And they are hard to see because if I see and communicate them, I have been taught that people will not like me.